3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize