Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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