his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize