Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My life is pants optional.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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