with your own penis?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
