at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
