Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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