how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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