we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
