dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
