Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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