..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
