Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
