Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
