Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.