On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.