just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.