if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
