I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.