Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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