The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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