I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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