Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
