I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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