I wish I only lived at night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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