Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
