and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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