Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
