Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
