No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
