I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
