I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
