u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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