I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
