then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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