just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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