Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
