ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
