Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
