Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
