I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
