it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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