So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
