just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I AM VODKA MAN
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
