Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
