you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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