Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
