I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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