I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
