Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
