i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
