Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ladies don't puke and tell
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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