My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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