I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She bit a glass in half.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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