I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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