I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
