Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
