It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
