eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
