a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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