i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
