we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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