i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
