super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
