well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
