Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
