i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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