I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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