why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize