did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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