I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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