I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My vagina is officially offended.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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