After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
